


Lest We Forget

by Miko



Series: We Shall Keep The Faith [18]
Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Childbirth, Family Feels, Motherhood, Multi, Open Relationships, Past Abortion, Polyamory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-14
Updated: 2015-06-14
Packaged: 2018-04-04 09:46:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4132884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miko/pseuds/Miko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Taking the step from 'relationship' to 'family' is a huge leap. Natasha knows nothing is ever going to be the same again and it's going to be a kick in the teeth, but she refuses to let it bother her.</p><p>She's not really looking forward to being 'Auntie Nat' again, though.</p><p> </p><p>This fic should be read in sequence with the rest of the series.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lest We Forget

**Author's Note:**

> Well, this is pretty much it! This is the last chapter in the main series. The one remaining story is more of a bonus chapter. Thank you to everyone who has stuck with me and gotten this far, and to all the newcomers who will eventually find the series. Wow, this was a crazy two months of writing. I kind of don't know what to do with myself now, lol.
> 
> Massive, MASSIVE thank you to NocturnalRites, who was kind enough to beta this and help me hammer it into something much, much better and more powerful than my original draft.

Something crashed loudly out in the lobby of the infirmary, followed by shouting and the sound of a familiar murderous snarl. “That’ll be the boys,” Natasha said cheerfully as she rose from her chair. “I’ve got it, you just keep pushing.”

Breathing hard between clenched teeth, Peggy glared up at her, unable to speak through the pain of the contraction. The growl she did manage sounded amusingly similar to the one from the waiting room. She looked like she’d been through a battle as bad as any the Avengers had ever fought, sweaty and red-faced, her hair plastered to her skull, and deep lines of strain and agony etched onto her features. Natasha patted her hand where the knuckles had turned white from her tight grip on the bedrail and hurried to the outer room.

She emerged to find Bucky panting in the doorway that led to the rest of the base, Steve right behind him. One of the nurses had a hand on Bucky’s chest and was physically trying to prevent him from entering, which was probably not a wise course of action.

“Sir, you can’t go in there like that,” the nurse insisted. Natasha could certainly see why she was objecting. Both of the men were grimy and sweaty from the mission they’d obviously just come straight from. It might not be sanitary enough for hospital conditions, but Natasha thought the view was hot as hell. Even after nearly two years in a relationship with them, she still appreciated how good they looked when they were glowing from exertion and flushed with triumph.

Or in this case, panic. You’d think they’d been told Peggy was dying, not giving birth. “About time you boys got here,” Natasha scolded them. “I called you almost twelve hours ago.”

“We were on radio silence,” Steve explained. He was as breathless as Bucky, which was something she didn’t get to see often. They must have run at top speed the whole way from the hangar.

“Well, that was stupid when you knew this was coming any minute,” Natasha retorted. “Neither of you is getting any further than the door like that. Strip, wash up, and _then_ you can come in.”

Bucky switched his death glare from the nurse to Natasha, and she gave him her best Unimpressed Drill Sergeant look in return. “About face, Barnes,” she ordered, snapping the words out like a whip. “I’ll shoot you myself if you try to get any closer. Do you _want_ to make Peggy or the baby sick? You’re covered in filth, blood, gunpowder, and explosive residue.”

That logic seemed to reach him, thankfully. She’d been afraid Steve was actually going to have to haul him physically away, and that could have ended very badly. Bucky had been increasingly on edge for the last several months, not surprising given his still nearly pathological need to protect Peggy at all costs. Childbirth might be safer now than ever before, but that didn’t mean there weren’t risks. Natasha had a sneaking suspicion his obsession with protecting Peggy was about to expand to cover the child, as well.

Which wasn’t a bad thing, overall, but Bucky on a hair trigger was never something they wanted to encourage.

“You can scrub up in our facility outside the operating room,” the nurse offered. She was made of damn stern stuff; she’d stood her ground in the doorway the whole time despite the way Bucky was snarling. “At least to the waist if you want to hold the baby.”

With one last glower at Natasha, Bucky allowed Steve to push him in the indicated direction. They vanished through another set of doors, and Natasha heard the distinct clang as Steve’s shield carelessly hit the floor, followed by muted arguing as they fought over who got to use the sink first.

Satisfied that they would obey, Natasha returned to the delivery room. Her friend was between contractions for the moment, and when she opened her eyes to look up her expression was a mixture of exhaustion, concern, and frustration. “Where are they?” Peggy asked.

“Cleaning up,” Natasha assured her. “They were on radio silence, apparently. I told them before they left that they should have let the others handle this mission. Though to be fair, you are a week early.”

The door slammed open before Peggy could answer. Steve and Bucky were bare to the waist and scrubbed clean - well, relatively clean. There were still smudges here and there, especially on their faces, and their hair stood out wildly with the quick wash. Natasha thought they looked kind of adorable.

“Just like a bloody man,” Peggy groused. “Let the woman do all the hard work, then show up in time to bask in the glory.”

“Wow, I haven’t seen you two strip that fast in a while,” Natasha observed, quirking an eyebrow at them. “I thought you were slowing down with age or something, but I guess not. Is the sex getting boring and you didn’t want to tell us?”

Bucky was next to the bed now and reaching for Peggy’s hand, but froze when she gave him a murderous glare that was a match for any of the expressions in his psychotic repertoire. “I swear to god if either of you lays a hand on me _ever again_ I will shoot you,” Peggy snapped. “I will shoot you and I will stab you until you bleed out and _oh god aaaaaaaaah!_ ”

“It’s okay, Yasha,” Natasha hastened to assure him, as he stared at Peggy in shock and heartbroken dismay. “She doesn’t mean it.”

“Oh yes I bloody do!” Peggy snarled, panting in short gasps through the pain of the contraction as she’d been coached.

“She’s been in active labour for half a day, she’s just cranky,” Natasha finished smoothly, as if Peggy hadn’t interrupted her. 

“Is she okay?” Bucky demanded, frantic. Steve was standing behind him, one hand on his friend’s shoulder, and he didn’t look much better.

“She’s doing just fine,” the doctor crouched at the foot of the bed said soothingly. “We’re almost there.”

“You’ve been saying that for nearly _two hours_ ,” Peggy wailed.

“Then push harder,” the doctor told her. “Come on, push push push!”

The strain was obvious in Peggy’s face, and the metal rails of the bed creaked as she gripped them tightly. Ignoring her earlier threats, Bucky pried her fingers up and let her clutch at his right hand, instead. 

He promptly winced, and Natasha was impressed by Peggy’s grip strength.

Coming around the head of the bed, Steve slipped in on her other side and took that hand in his. Now Peggy was hanging on to both of them, letting them give her the rock-solid support she needed to push hard. 

“Breathe,” the doctor reminded her as the contraction eased, and Natasha chuckled when Peggy growled at him. They’d repeated this cycle quite a few times, now. Natasha thought it might be wise for the doctor to take an extended vacation immediately after this, and it would be best if he left before Peggy recovered her strength because she had a feeling her friend was going to be holding a grudge and out for blood.

Watching Peggy go through this hell was definitely making Natasha rethink her disappointment about not being able to have children herself.

“If either of you ever suggests we do this again, I really will kill you both,” Peggy asserted, though she didn’t let go of their hands. “ _Never_ again.”

“They do say the first one is the worst,” Natasha put in, and Peggy switched her glare from the boys to her.

“I’ll kill you just as fast,” Peggy threatened, and Natasha choked down a laugh for fear the other woman might carry through right then and there.

“Jesus, if I’d known it would be _this_ bad...” Steve trailed off and shook his head, looking distinctly green around the gills. 

“Isn’t there anything you can fucking do?” Bucky demanded of the doctor.

“We’ve already done it, the rest is up to Peggy,” the doctor replied, unruffled. “One more will do it if you push hard, I think.”

“Thank god,” Peggy groaned, and Natasha saw her tense up again as the next contraction started. 

It wasn’t quite that easy, but finally the quality of Peggy’s screams changed and the doctor made a triumphant sound. “There we go,” he exclaimed, and Natasha found herself holding her breath. Shouldn’t the baby be crying? That was how it always went in the movies, it was the first cry that let you know the baby was alive and healthy, but the only cries were the ones Peggy was making...

There was absolutely nothing tiny about the wail that split the room a moment later, and it felt like the sound restarted Natasha’s heart. She sagged against the side of the bed, and didn’t bother to hide it because Steve and Bucky were doing the exact same thing.

There was a flurry of activity as the baby was eased free, cleaned up, and the umbilical cord dealt with, but finally the doctor offered the naked, fussing infant to Peggy. “Congratulations. You have a healthy baby girl.”

Letting go of the boys, Peggy eagerly held out her arms, though they shook with the aftermath of hours of strain and exhaustion. The doctor tucked the baby against her chest, folded her arms around the little girl, and draped a blanket over them both.

“Hey,” Bucky objected as the baby was hidden from sight.

“To keep her warm,” the doctor explained. “The rest of you can all hold her in a bit, but right now she needs to be with her mother.”

Reaching out, Natasha caught Bucky’s hand in hers and squeezed, trying to distract him from scowling at doctor. “It’s part of the process of making sure she’s healthy, Yasha. You’ll get your chance, don’t worry.”

“I just wanna _see_ her,” Bucky complained, but he subsided reluctantly. 

Peggy had closed her eyes and was resting against the pillows, weariness written in every line of her body. Steve stroked a hand through her dark hair, and after a moment Bucky sighed and put his hand on her shoulder, massaging the knotted muscles there with careful pressure.

“Oh, that’s lovely,” Peggy murmured, opening her eyes again to smile up at both of their boys. “All right, I suppose you’re allowed to touch me that way.”

Natasha stood beside Bucky and watched them all with a smile on her lips that hid the tightness in her throat. She was exhausted as well; she’d been by Peggy’s side since the moment the boys had left on their mission, ‘just in case’. And of course the baby had decided to kick things over into active labour at two in the morning. She’d gone much longer without sleep in the past, but she didn’t think any battle had ever been as draining as simply sitting there and encouraging Peggy through twelve hours of hell.

In hindsight it might be a good thing Bucky hadn’t arrived until the end, given his past history of watching HYDRA torture Peggy to cause him pain. If Natasha felt battered and bruised by the experience, it would surely have been a hundred times worse for him. They’d have been forced to restrain him for the safety of the doctor and nurses, which was far from the supporting atmosphere Peggy had needed to get through this.

Obviously Peggy thought the end result was worth the agony, judging by the look of radiant joy on her face as she lay there with the infant snuggled against her heart. Steve and Bucky appeared no less besotted, absolutely entranced as they fussed over the new mother.

Once the afterbirth was delivered and everything was cleaned up, the nurse apologetically removed the baby from Peggy’s arms to run a couple of quick tests and take some measurements. When she offered the child back, however, Peggy shook her head. “It’s everyone else’s turn. Give her to Natasha.”

Startled by the command, Natasha blinked at her friend as the nurse nodded and started to wrap the baby in the blanket. “Are you trying to paint a target on my back to take out the competition?” she asked mildly as Bucky gave her a sour look and even Steve seemed put out that she’d been chosen first. 

Gingerly she accepted the tiny creature from the nurse, settling the infant into the crook of her arm with care to support her head. Natasha had held her namesake, Clint’s son, but he’d already been significantly larger than this little one by the time she met him in person. She felt her heart squeeze painfully and the scales tipped sharply back towards regret that she would never be able to do this with a child of her own. 

“Hey there, cutie,” she greeted the little girl. The baby had calmed after the initial wailing while cradled against Peggy’s chest, but now she was fussing again. She was wrinkled and red and hardly looked human at all, and Natasha thought she was the most beautiful thing ever. 

“Did you ever decide on a name?” she asked Peggy. They’d all spent months debating options, but agreed in the end that the only fair way to settle it was to give Peggy final say. 

“Anastasia,” Peggy replied, smiling. “I like the short form.”

“Nastya,” Bucky put in, and Peggy nodded.

“You do remember the conversation where I pointed out that every kid who ever wants to torment her is going to call her ‘Nasty’, right?” Natasha said, chuckling. 

“Somehow, I don’t think she’s likely to have much trouble with bullies,” Steve replied with a laugh of his own.

“Why, because her parents are Avengers?” Natasha raised an eyebrow. “I think that’s _more_ likely to get her teased, not less.”

Steve’s blue eyes were bright with love and wonder as he gazed at the baby in Natasha’s arms, and her throat went tight all over again. It was exactly the way she’d always known he would look when he finally got the family he wanted, but she hadn’t even come close to picturing the sheer depth of his emotions. “I never said she wouldn’t get teased, just that she wouldn’t have any trouble handling it.”

Natasha had to concede the point. “I suppose dealing with bullies is pretty much part of her genetic… ow!” She broke off with a wince as Nastya caught her index finger in one teeny hand and held on. “Speaking of genetics. People may not know which of you two the father is, but there will be no doubt it _is_ one of you. Definitely serum enhancement happening here. That’s going to be fun when she hits the terrible twos.”

“I’ve been saying as much since she started kicking,” Peggy grumbled. 

“Pretty sure every pregnant woman thinks the kid is about to kick their way out,” Steve commented, stroking Peggy’s hair again. “It’s not that we didn’t believe you.”

Finally Natasha managed to pry her finger loose. “All right, _no_ dangling jewellery around this one, especially earrings.” Nastya was protesting the loss of her squeeze toy, and Natasha tickled her lightly to tease her out of the bad mood. “Look at all that lovely dark hair and those pretty blue eyes. You’re going to be gorgeous when you grow up.” 

It occurred to her that this could easily be what her child with Yasha would have looked like – that phantom might-have-been baby that she was still trying to convince herself had never really existed. Smirking to cover the unexpected stab of agony, Natasha flicked a glance at the men through her eyelashes. “Don’t worry, I’ll teach you how to make full use of that,” she promised the infant.

To her surprise Bucky’s expression hardened and he took a step towards Natasha in a move that could only be described as ‘menacing’. “Our daughter is _not_ going through the shit the Red Room did to you,” he snarled, fists tightening.

Shocked, Natasha stared at him, and felt guilty a moment later. She knew how terrible Bucky still felt about his own part in Natasha’s training. Of course he’d interpret her teasing comment in the worst way possible. “Yasha, it was a joke,” she said gently, as unthreatening and conciliatory as she could manage.

A muscle jumped in his jaw as he stared her down. Behind him she saw Steve subtly move closer to his friend, just in case aggression turned to attack. As close to the edge as Bucky had been lately, a perceived threat to the safety of his brand new, helpless baby would be exactly the sort of thing that could tip him over. Especially since Natasha knew he blamed himself for failing to save the first.

Worse yet, during one of their private evenings together she’d made the mistake of letting him coax her into talking about the nightmare she’d just woken from. The idea that the Red Room might have allowed her to carry to term had they known about the pregnancy was something that had haunted her since the first day she’d realized she was late, and not because she regretted the lost possibility. Natasha could imagine all too easily what they would have done to a serum enhanced child who’d been in their possession since infancy, and doubtless so could he. 

In fact the thought of it had damn near triggered him into an episode then and there; all the blood had drained from his face and he’d barely spoken for the next several hours, refusing to let her leave his side all the while. Her unthinking words just now had to be evoking all kinds of shades of that personal horror. 

Really the wonder was that he was willing to allow her near his new daughter at all, child of the Red Room that Natasha was.

Thankfully in the end he sighed and relaxed his hands. “ _Not_ funny,” he growled at her. 

“No, it wasn’t,” Natasha acknowledged. “I’m sorry, Yasha, I should have thought before I spoke. Here, why don’t you take her. That will make you feel better.” Hopefully if he felt like he could directly protect Nastya, that would help ease his paranoia about anything that might be a danger to his daughter.

“What?” Bucky’s eyes widened, and he took a step back. Natasha blinked at him, but understanding and pity flooded her with his next words. “No, I’ll break her. I’m too strong.”

“You won’t hurt her,” Natasha said firmly. When he tried to take another step back, she nodded at Steve, who caught him by the shoulders to prevent him from retreating any further. “Arms out, Barnes. That’s an order.”

He glared at her, but when Steve nudged him he reluctantly offered his arms. Carefully Natasha placed the little girl in her father’s embrace. She did make certain Nastya was tucked into the curve of Bucky’s right arm, but the exquisitely delicate way he held her left no worries in Natasha’s mind that the baby might be hurt.

“She’s so fucking tiny,” he breathed out. The last of the anger drained out of his expression, to be replaced by a disbelieving joy that matched the look in Steve’s eyes.

“We’re never going to get him to clean up his language, are we?” Peggy sighed from the bed.

Steve chuckled. “I’m not sure there’s any point in trying.”

“What?” Bucky looked up at them, frowning, and Nastya squalled a protest at losing his attention. Bucky wiggled the fingers of his metal hand to distract her, and a startled grimace crossed his face when she latched on to one. “Jesus, she’s strong.”

Leaning over his friend’s shoulder, Steve offered his fingers to the baby as well and Nastya caught his pinkie in her other hand. He laughed in delight. “She really is. You guys are gonna have to be careful,” he added to Peggy and Natasha.

“We manage to handle you two when you get overly excited in bed,” Peggy retorted, but when Natasha looked over she was smiling fondly as she watched her boys with her baby.

Biting her lip, Natasha regarded the three of them – the four of them, now. They might not be a traditional family unit, not with both Steve and Bucky flatly refusing to determine which of them was the genetic father, but they made a beautiful picture. So beautiful it was painful, too perfect to look at for long.

Or maybe that was just Natasha’s own issues speaking.

Once again she was left skirting the edges of a family, welcome to be there but not truly a part of it. In many ways this was even more painful than being with Clint and his kids. The Barton family circle had already been complete when she entered their lives, even if it had expanded by one since then. They’d opened their doors and hearts to her, but she’d never expected to be an intimate member.

With Steve, Bucky, and Peggy it was different. For more than a year she’d felt like she finally _belonged_ somewhere, and it had been the most amazing thing she’d ever experienced. Just as Natasha had feared, she’d grown addicted to it.

And then they’d confirmed that Peggy was pregnant. Things had changed subtly after that. Both men had been more focused on Peggy, rightly so. Natasha had done her best to support them, all the while trying to harden her heart against the inevitable pain to come.

It wasn’t that she thought they’d deliberately edge her out. They’d all made it clear that they intended her to be one of the family, and this time she’d be part of it right from the start. That meant a lot. But there was a big difference between parents and aunt, and nothing would ever be the same again.

If she forced Steve to choose now between her and the mother of his child, Natasha didn’t have to wonder what his answer would be.

She should go, leave them to it, let the bonding between daughter and parents begin properly. They deserved it, god, they all deserved it. They’d been through so damn much to get to where they were, all three of them. 

Natasha couldn’t make herself take the first step towards the door. She wanted so badly to stay a little longer, bask in the reflected glow of joy on all their faces, and adore the tiny miracle that was Nastya. Even if that made it hurt more.

“You know if you give her a Russian name like that, some people are going to think she’s mine down the road,” she joked, trying hard to break her own mood so she wouldn’t bring the rest of them down with her brooding.

“No shit, Nata. That’s kind of the idea,” Bucky commented, though he didn’t look up from admiring his daughter.

“We can’t make it as difficult for people to be sure as we can with the fathers, but there’s no reason to make it easy on them either,” Peggy agreed, tilting her head at Natasha. “We certainly don’t want them assuming she’s _not_ your daughter.”

The world was spinning off its axis; Natasha was certain of it. Either that or someone had literally just pulled the rug out from under her feet, although that would be difficult to do with the tile floor in the infirmary. She had to have misunderstood. “Wait, I... what?”

“Natasha, we’ve been talking about this for nearly eight months,” Steve said, frowning at her in concern. Distantly Natasha was aware that she must be showing a great deal more of her shock than she should be allowing herself to, if he was that worried about her. “I thought you were on board. We’re a family, all five of us.”

“Family, yes, but that’s... you’re talking about...” Natasha couldn’t seem to find the words to complete any of her thoughts. Maybe it wasn’t the world that was spinning, just her mind. “Of course I’m on board, I’m happy to take care of her and help you raise her, but... you _want_ people to think she might be my daughter?”

“Natasha, she _is_ your daughter,” Peggy said, pushing herself up against the pillows so she could look at Natasha better. She was every bit as distressed as Steve, staring at Natasha like she’d started speaking Chitauri. “Believe me, I intend to take full advantage of the fact that she has a second set of parents to share the load. You’ll have her half the time, plus whenever we’re all together - that’s not babysitting, that’s parenting.”

“I’m pretty damned sure you just did the hard, important part that differentiates ‘mother’ from ‘family’,” Natasha retorted. She could hear the way her voice was shaking, which wasn’t terribly surprising considering the way the rest of her was trembling, too. 

“It’s not the birthing that makes a mother, it’s the raising,” Peggy protested. “How would that be any different if you and Steve decided to adopt someone else’s child instead?”

She had a point. Natasha blinked rapidly, desperately swallowing to try to keep the tears from coming, but there was no way she was going to bury all of the emotions slamming into her without resorting to her strictest training. This was worse than when Bucky had first remembered her, and called her ‘Natashulya’ like there had never been a moment’s separation between them, worse even than when she’d told him the truth about the real consequences of her graduation ceremony.

Turning abruptly away from them, Natasha reached out to steady herself against the wall. She thought she might be hyperventilating, but couldn’t gather her wits enough to try to do anything about it if she was. Lifting her other hand, she bit at her knuckle to stop herself from crying out with the sheer internal pressure of it all. 

Warmth at her back warned her, just before Steve put his hands on her shoulders. She’d have objected to the touch, except she needed the support so badly. 

“Natasha, we don’t mean to hurt you,” he said, and he sounded panicked. “That was never the point. I thought you understood, but I guess we didn’t really say it in so many words. You don’t _have_ to do this.”

Natasha shook her head, struggling to find the words she needed to explain what was going through her mind and heart. Opening up that much, exposing the truth of her feelings that deeply, was anathema to her. _Bury it_ , her training whispered to her, but she _could not_ allow herself to follow that impulse. 

They didn’t understand, and if she didn’t make them understand they were going to take it back, take Nastya back, and Natasha thought she might shatter if they did.

“You know... you know I love spending time with Clint’s kids,” she finally managed, still facing away. If she looked at Steve, at any of them, especially at Nastya, she’d fall apart completely. “I adore being Auntie Nat, being someone that they love and consider family. But sometimes it just hurts too much, standing right on the edge of something I want so badly, _almost_ having it.”

Steve dropped his hands from her shoulders, but he didn’t leave her alone for longer than it took him to slide his arms around her waist and pull her against him, tucking her head under his chin as he cradled her close and supported her. “If thinking of yourself as her mother is too much, if it’s just rubbing salt in the wound, we’ll find another way.”

Risking a glance back, she saw Peggy watching with a hand over her mouth and tears in her eyes. Bucky was holding Nastya to his chest much the same way Steve was shielding Natasha, metal arm between her and the world like he could block any sort of sadness or negative emotion from reaching her. His eyes were on Natasha, full of worry because she was hurting so much.

Taking a shuddering breath, Natasha forced herself to continue without looking away. “I assumed... that I’d be Auntie Nat again. _Family_ , yes, but... not...” She had to pause to breathe again, and her eyes locked with Peggy’s. “ _My_ daughter?”

It was obvious that Peggy had to try a couple of times before she could find her voice, and it wasn’t much firmer than Natasha’s when she did speak. “I thought, to keep it simple, I would be ‘mommy’ and you would be ‘mamochka’. If that works for you?”

Blinking rapidly wasn’t going to be nearly enough to stop the tears from falling. Natasha wasn’t sure she even wanted to keep trying, but it was a moot point because they were already spilling over her cheeks. “I can live with that.”

“Bucky, give her back to Natasha,” Steve ordered.

“What?” Bucky’s expression shifted from concern to dismay in a heartbeat. “No! I ain't done with her.”

“ _Bucky_.” Peggy’s tone left no doubt that she was annoyed with his refusal.

“No, it’s all right,” Natasha hastened to assure them. “I had my turn.” She honestly wasn’t certain she’d be able to support even the tiny weight of the baby, with the way she was still shaking.

“It’s not okay,” Steve insisted, turning her gently in his arms so he could see her face. “Natasha, you thought you were holding your niece. You need to hold your daughter.”

Her daughter. It still wasn’t real. Natasha wasn’t sure it would ever feel real, because it couldn’t possibly _be_ real. She’d fallen asleep at Peggy’s side between contractions, that was the only explanation. Or maybe it had all been a dream from the beginning - maybe she was still in a secret base in Ukraine, dying of radiation poisoning and hallucinating everything from after opening that vault door.

That was far more believable than the idea that she could actually have everything she’d ever wanted and needed to be truly happy. A way to do good in the world, a place to call her own, people who loved her, and now a child as well? Impossible.

Peggy reached out and physically shoved Bucky towards Steve and Natasha. He crossed the distance reluctantly, scowling at them. “How come crying to get what we want never works for guys,” he grumbled under his breath.

“It’s a skill,” Natasha told him, trying for a light tone and failing utterly as her voice broke. 

“Skin to skin,” Peggy insisted when Bucky started to offer the baby to her still wrapped in the blanket. “She needs to bond to you as well.”

Hesitating, Natasha swallowed, but in the end she nodded and reached for the buttons of her shirt with shaking hands. She wasn’t wearing a bra, they’d thrown on whatever was closest to hand when Peggy woke to a full-on contraction. In fact the shirt Natasha had on was one of Steve’s, which at least meant it was more than big enough to allow her to hold the tiny child against her chest and still have plenty of room left over.

Steve helped Bucky position Nastya against Natasha’s chest, head over her heart, and tucked the shirt around them both before draping the blanket over her shoulders for good measure. Natasha’s breath caught as she felt Nastya relax against her, comforted by the warm darkness that was as close to being back in the womb as she’d ever experience again.

Nastya smelled _soft_ and _warm_ and _new_ , and those were things that should not be appropriate descriptions for a scent, but now Natasha knew that they were. She wasn’t sure if it was her heartbeat and breathing that changed or the baby’s, but after a few moments they were in synch and it made her feel like they were two parts of a whole. 

Cradling the baby with a hand supporting the tiny head - her daughter, _hers_ \- Natasha tried to understand how just a few minutes could have changed everything. It was still the same child she’d held before, but now Nastya seemed impossibly more beautiful; more treasured and precious than any single thing had a right to be. 

Looking up, she caught Steve watching with that same bright love and joy still lighting up his eyes. Not just for Nastya as she’d assumed the first time, but aimed at _both of them_. At the mother of his child. The tears she thought she’d finally conquered welled up again, and Steve wrapped his arms around her waist to hold them both close.

Stepping in, Bucky slid his arm around her shoulders as well, boxing her in between him and Steve with Nastya held safely in the center of them all. The love in his gaze was no less powerful than Steve’s - and no less aimed at her as well as the baby. Once again the moment was so perfect it was painful, but this time the last thing Natasha wanted to do was flee from it.

Finally the perfection broke, as it had to eventually. Nastya started fussing again, rooting around until she found one of Natasha’s breasts. The sensation of the tiny mouth against her nipple was shockingly powerful, but Natasha smiled wryly down at the baby. “Sorry, Nasten’ka, that’s not going to work,” she informed _her daughter_ wryly, and her voice was only a little shaky. “You need mommy for that.”

Now that she was calmer, Natasha was able to move away from the boys without worrying that she might drop Nastya. She handed the baby over with only the slightest hesitation, a tiny hitch in her movements that she knew Peggy had caught when the other woman put her hands over Natasha’s instead of taking Nastya right away.

“Thank you,” Natasha whispered, so softly it had no sound at all. She shifted Nastya’s weight into Peggy’s arms and stepped back, but couldn’t bring herself to go far.

“You may feel differently in a few months when you haven’t gotten any sleep,” Peggy replied wryly, smiling as she wrapped the infant securely in the blanket once more and held Nastya close to her chest. 

“Pretty damned sure I won’t,” Natasha assured her, hoarse but firm. She felt Steve and Bucky move behind her again, all three of them crowded against the railing of the bed, as close to the new mother and their daughter as they could get. 

“Unfortunately my milk hasn’t started yet, so someone had better retrieve one of those formula bottles the doctor said they would prepare,” Peggy sighed, resigned, as Nastya began crying outright. “And then you can all get _out_ so I can get some rest. I’m absolutely shattered.”

“Wait, I don’t get a turn with her?” Steve protested, wide-eyed and dismayed.

“You were just holding her with Natasha,” Peggy replied.

“That’s not the same thing,” Steve argued, frowning. “I wasn’t even touching her. Bucky got nearly ten minutes!”

“Oh, all _right_. You can have her until someone fetches the bottle, and then get out,” Peggy gave in, exasperated. “And don’t you dare sneak back in here the moment I fall asleep.”

Gently Steve reached out and picked Nastya up, already making the little cooing noises that seemed to be instinctive around babies to try to distract her from crying. It wasn’t working; he didn’t seem to mind, holding her close and letting her grab at one of his fingers again with the most ridiculous sappy smile.

“I’ll make sure they stay out of your hair for at least a few hours,” Natasha promised, finally starting to feel like she was getting her feet back under her.

“Try a few days,” Peggy muttered. “And I meant it about not touching me. The three of you can get off and I’ll just sit there watching. I’m not going through this again!”

“Why am I banned?” Natasha asked, smile widening. “Pretty sure I don’t pose any threat.”

“Well, no, I suppose not,” Peggy admitted. “All right then. But not the boys.”

“Not even hands and mouths?” Bucky replied, all innocence - except for the smirk he couldn’t quite manage to hide.

“Can we maybe discuss this after somebody gets that bottle?” Steve said, and he had to raise his voice over Nastya’s rapidly escalating shrieks. 

It was only a small taste of the chaos their lives were about to become, Natasha knew. There would be crying at midnight and baby vomit everywhere and dirty diapers always in need of changing. If Clint’s private complaints to her after Nathaniel’s birth were anything to go by, they weren’t likely to be putting Peggy’s ban on sex to the test any time soon. In individual pairs, maybe, but it would probably be a damned long time before all four of them shared a bed again for anything but a few hours of exhausted sleep.

Something told her none of them would protest a single minute of it.


End file.
